Sunday, February 05, 2012

Want to know a secret?

I don't have everything together all the time.  It's true.  I said it out loud.

Truth is I doubt myself most of the time and struggle with anxiety.  I don't know how to relax, to trust, or just "be in the moment".

When I was in high school I got straight A's, was in every club I could be in, played basketball, softball, was a cheerleader and on the dance team.  I don't know how to commit to just one thing and perfect it.  I always feel left out.  It is a vicious cycle.  Is it the artist brain?  - one that triggers in so many directions but never truly commits?

Do you ever find yourself saying, "if I can just get through this. . .", but then "this" comes and goes and you are right back where you were?

I know I'm not alone. Many of you share the same struggles.   And even in the greater sense, I know I'm not alone and HE is always with me.  I need to remember that more.

I rarely use this blog to type anything personal -don't know why?  Maybe I need to do that more.  There is always comfort in knowing you are not the only one.

We had a great show.  So many wonderful people who support us.  I needed to see those faces and remind myself why I do what I do.  With owning your own business the risks are great - but the rewards are many.  Show is always a wonderful reminder of that.

I'm looking forward to this year and concentrating on what I do best (what is that exactly?) and finding a way to kick that self-doubter inside of me to the curb!

It's a little late for a New Year's Resolution but better late than never I suppose!

Hope the start to your week is great my friends!
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27 comments:

paige said...

yes, kick that self doubter to the curb.
love your openness
xo

Jen said...

way to take charge! Saying it out loud is the first step to kick things to the curb.. I find!

Rebecca said...

I totally can tell you you're not alone! I never thought of the doing so many different things as being part of an artist's brain, but that so makes sense now. So often people will tell me that I'm so good at so many things, and I have to tell them, "I'm a jack of many trades, but a master of none." It makes me kind of sad. I want to be so good at things, but then something else draws my attention, and I flit off to do something else. I try to remember that just knowing how to do something, and learning is a great accomplishment in and of itself, but sometimes I just want to be better. And I know there's simply not enough hours in a day to master and do everything I wish to. And just accepting that knowledge helps sometimes.

Remembering that He is in control, and all we need to do is ask for His help and guidance is sometimes hard for me to do. But, when I do, I feel a peace like nothing else can give me.

I'm glad you had a great show!! And I think you are absolutely wonderful at everything I've seen you do! Just remember, you need to do what is right for you. Don't let others expectations of you make you commit to more than you know you can handle. And by golly, keep posting here if you need to know you're not alone!! :)

Courtney Walsh said...

It's kind of freeing to say it out loud...and you are anything but alone. I could write a whole book on this but instead I'll just thank you for saying so. Transparency is such a blessing...

Wendy G. said...

We all have doubts about ourselves even if we consider other people to be living a perfect life! Thanks for your frankness in sharing your inner feelings. Rest assured you are far from being alone.

Stephanie Howell said...

jenni-
yes i think we can all identify with this. and i have to tell you that i love that you are willing to share a little piece of your heart. it's therapeutic isn't it?

i think you are amazing. i always have and always will. xoxo

Annette said...

Yes, you are amazing! Thank you for being so real. You are definitely not alone!!

Kirsten J said...

Jenni, I have such similar feelings, sometimes - "just getting through is" makes me feel like those stories of struggling through the wilderness, and finally getting to the top of the mountain, only to see another and another. But I wanted to say, I adore your style, and I SO enjoyed my BPC class I took with you. Love the idea of kicking it to the curb!

Anonymous said...

Yup, I get ya girl. I have to remind myself that it's ok to be here in the present. Love the new release. Can't wait to play with the punches. I agree that it must have something to do with the artist brain. This too shall pass.

Nicole petersen

Gloria L. said...

Isn't the need for HIM what makes us human? Trust me, Jenni, you are one talented human! Just be yourself!

Isa Creative Musings said...

You are definitely not alone! I often feel insecure about my creativity...it does make me happy, even though staying focused on the task at hand is sometimes difficult because I am already thinking about the next task.

Lori said...

I'm glad you posted something more personal, it's good for the soul. I enjoy your projects and have your products, but I'm frozen. So many ideas and scared to start any of them. You have a great week too!

~amy~ said...

Love your post...you are definitely not alone...hang in there...You ARE magnificent.

Melanie G. said...

Amen, sista! You are awesome and talented. Don't ever forget it. Everyone has doubts. Thank you for sharing part of yourself with us.

Theresa Smith said...

it's hard to imagine that you, who seemingly had everything, would suffer from self-doubt but I guess being in the spotlight and seeming to outsiders that you have a perfect life makes it that much harder. I can think of another crafting blogger that I thought was living an almost perfect life and then she announced she was divorcing. I was quite surprised. So, we outsiders never know what you are going through but I'm glad you shared. You have made ME feel like I'm not alone. I am the queen of doubting myself and negative self-talk. Thanks for being open.

Bunny Vance said...

You just put into words how I am feeling! We just got home from CHA also and I have so much to do and get ready for I don't know where to start first! Consumer show, new releases, tax returns . . . I too did all that in high school too as a honor student to boot! So glad I am not the only one!
You post makes me feel better already! So you are not alone and neither am I ! Who knew! Great products and booth at the show! Awesome Job!

Jeannette said...

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us! Yes, we all have moments when we feel the same thing.My desire is to be grateful for all things and in all things of my life. They are all a part of growing me - even though I am a "senior citizen", I am still learning:)

maureen said...

I am a teacher. I spend Monday to Friday teaching, then spend Saturday and Sunday (sometimes all day!) obsessing over lesson plans for the next week. Sometimes I could kick myself for not taking the time to get out and live!!! Good for you for voicing those niggling anxieties- feels good, doesn't it!
Okay, now back to my marking my papers, lol.
And speaking of papers, I'm DYING to get the Wren paper selection. Can't wait until it's available!

julie said...

jenni, thank you for saying what we all feel at times. your transparency is refreshing!
always remember. proverbs 3:5-6

Meghann said...

Praying that God gives you the wisdom to know how talented you are! Love your product, Jenni!

Ursula Schneider said...

Someone from the forum just pointed me to this post because I posted about the same thing today and included a layout. Feel free to check it out if you like. http://underscarletbirdswing.blogspot.com/2012/02/face-fear-head-on.html

It is good to know we aren't alone isn't it. We do have purpose, we are imperfect and it's all good! Thanks for sharing.

DebbiB said...

No, you are not alone - and it feels good to know I am not alone either.

Dixie said...

OH JENNI....did you write that or did my mind? I so know exactly what you are saying...I also live it every single day. Usually can keep my head above it, but when I get really tired, like you are after CHA (been there, done that, know) it is totally overwelming. I love what Rebecca said in her post! You are not alone...know that...and take comfort in it. We all struggle...keep the faith! You are awesome and we love you...even if you are just sitting on your bum and doing nothing!!

Brandi Talmadge said...

Your not alone for sure! Your words were perfectly put. You brought a reminder to myself that I fall victim to the same things, precisely on the not committing to one thing and doing it perfectly and trying to do many things. I find that I hardly accomplish anything because of it and become distressed because I'm not doing everything perfectly. Perhaps your right, that maybe it's part of an artist's brain? Would make some sense for the madness LOL! Thank you for being transparent on this topic. Cheer's to a fresh start!

Trina said...

a) you're not alone ... the "always feel left out" comment really resonates. I think it really does have to do with the creative brain because, since we are creative, we don't think like the average person ... and that's a good thing! and b) Oh Jenni, please don't doubt yourself. You are an inspiration to me and many. I so enjoy your blog, your beautiful wares (especially your vintage finds) and seeing your smiling face (first meeting you at Donna Downey's "Inspired", then last year's Chantilly scrapbook fair and Country Living Fair in Columbus (BTW congratulations on being published in the March issue!)

Chyrl said...

I was there with you through all of those activities and you did them all well. I hope that one day we can catch up - you are very talented and having fun at doing what you love. HUGS!

Anonymous said...

Maybe having some doubts is a good thing because it keeps us from getting a big head! This industry is a lot of madness...must not take any of it too seriously, for tomorrow there will be another crazy trend. I got off that train a long time ago.